Toby and Ian Spencer

The Boys at 18 Months

Ian Levi Spencer. At 18 months, Ian Levi Spencer is not unlike Sawyer on ABC's "Lost": fearless, devious, lean and muscular, a free spirit, and perpetually in need of a haircut (he's had five). Ian - who typically sports a fresh bruise or gash on his forehead - enjoys swiping Toby's toys, demolishing Toby's block towers, whacking Toby on the head and running around the house shrieking "Ba! Ba! Ba!" while clutching two balls. In quieter moments, Ian loves to dance, pet dogs and bunny rabbits and snuggle with his dad. Possible future careers: demolition specialist, loan shark, $600/hour criminal-defense attorney. Possible future athletic endeavors: motocross, snowboardcross, ice hockey, Australian Rules football.

Toby Russell Spencer. If Ian is Sawyer, Toby is Hurley: soft and round, smiley and laid back, a loyal follower, eternally in pursuit of his next meal, and in possession of an operative moral compass, though prone to the periodic temper tantrum. Toby roams around like Frankenstein, arms stiff and extended, attempting to scam hugs from friends and strangers alike. Preferring to keep his complexion blemish-free, Toby steers clear of big slides, steep cliffs and, when possible, his brother. Toby's passions include answering the telephone, sweeping the floor, dusting the furniture, and tormenting his mother by refusing let go of her pants leg. Possible future careers: middle-school science teacher, cleaning supervisor, quality-control inspector. Possible future athletic endeavors: golf, horseshoes, bowling.

Toby Russell Spencer. Weighing in at 21 pounds, 3 ounces, Toby - a.k.a. Toby Tobster, Toby Loadster, The Tobinator, The Polkinator and Toby Russell Fester - has tree-trunk thighs and a back as wide as a barn door, but he's a softie at heart. Though he adheres to a no-smile policy in public, Toby showers his family with Oprah-style hugs and slobbery kisses. He enjoys splashing in his swimming pool, emptying his laundry basket, pushing muffin tins across the floor and traversing Costco in a double-wide cart with his brother. When left alone Toby has taken to wailing with his hands raised, then bowing until he is prostrate on the floor. Either he has become a devout Muslim or he is experiencing separation anxiety - his parents aren't sure.

Ian Levi Spencer. In the bantamweight division, tipping the scales at 19 pounds 9.5 ounces, Ian "Little Ian" Spencer has shown himself to be a fearless tyke, diving off steps, pinning his brother in a headlock and mowing down whatever, or whomever, happens to be in his way as he crawls across the room. Not surprisingly, Ian perpetually sports a bruise on his forehead. Ian recently became the first Spencer twin to get a haircut, when his parents realized his spiky auburn hair had morphed into a mullet; they promptly escorted him to a downtown barbershop. Animals of all species, both live and stuffed, bring a smile to Ian's face. Ian's mom has granted him permission to get a dog, just as soon as he turns 18.

Toby Russell Spencer. Having mellowed considerably, Toby at 7 months of age is content to spend an hour at Starbucks taking in the scene while gnawing on a coffee lid. Toby also enjoys eating mashed sweet potatoes, rice cereal and his entire library of board books. Known as The Tobster, The Tobinator, Fester and The Bald-headed Melonhead, Toby is rarely seen without his tongue hanging out, a la Gene Simmons. He sleeps with his arms overhead, as if performing the "Y" in the Village People’s "Y.M.C.A."

Ian Levi Spencer. Leaner and more agile than his older brother, Ian is exceptionally dedicated to training his abdominals, performing what appear to be reverse crunches while waiting his turn for a diaper change. Ian also enjoys sucking on his right foot. Intensely curious, Ian will nearly do an "Exorcist" head spin in order to see who has entered the room. Ian recently discovered that he has a brother and frequently gazes lovingly at Toby, who seems more interested in his sucking his squishy lobster.

Toby Russell Spencer. Born 15 minutes before his brother, Toby is larger and louder than Ian and has been known to breastfeed himself into a drunken stupor. Toby, who bears a passing resemblance to Uncle Fester from The Addams Family, enjoys sitting on the patio in his bouncy chair and busting out of his swaddle blanket.

Ian Levi Spencer. The smaller, quieter, gentler younger brother, Ian nonetheless out-poops Toby on a daily basis. A studious, contemplative tyke with a hair fringe a la Larry David, Ian enjoys his extensive library of black-and-white picture books. Ian is known for waiting patiently in his Boppy while his parents tend to his screaming brother.